Cave Woman Tootie Smith leads Molalla’s Hillbilly Economic Summit

Look out Warren Buffet!

Beware Rupert Murdoch!

Worldwide economic leaders are holding their breath, quaking in their loafers, waiting for the results of the Feb. 4 economic think tank in Molalla.

With Tea Party Tootie Smith coming to Decayville, we know the planet is listening! Cave Woman economic advice is sure to be a winning ticket. Don’t invest in anything till Toots and her backwater cohorts spill the beans of of their economic…..DISASTERS! tootie cave poster

Now, take a deep breath, and think about how much “wisdom” might come from a Cave Woman / Hillbilly economic summit.

On one hand, the few backwoods hillbilly business owners still operating in blighted Molalla will have a lot of stories to tell about their failure to thrive. It’s the fault of the spotted owl and the fault of the Democrats and the fault of the damned environmentalists and the fault of the land use rules and the fault of a lack of a freeway leading straight to Decayville and the fault of gawd not answering all the prayers in all the local cult churches and the fault of anyone and anything but them. All you need is to read the preceding post “Shooting Blanks with Molalla’s Mayor Debbie Rogge” to understand that the FIRE sector rules Molalla; they’ll blame anyone but themselves for the shuttered town.

Surely Toot’s outreach will draw in city “officials” like the mayor and city manager. They’ll blame past leaders/managers. But both mayor Rogge and El Hefe Huff, with years under their belts in Molalla, are responsible for the ongoing mess that is Molalla. I’d expect mayor Rogge and her partner Mary Lynn to come clutching carpet samples – their spin will likely be that the darned land use laws are hampering their ability to sell carpet. If they could just get permission to expand the urban growth boundary (a mission Rogge ran to the bitter end, overspending on bogus planning and creating an insolvent city in the wake) they could flood more cheap houses and instant ghetto apartments with their flooring. After all, comin’ recently from ye ole New Orleans, it’s difficult for these gal pals of Tea Party Toots to understand that Oregon actually gives a damn about the environment.

Environment? Oh, no! Don’t dare bring that up in front of climate denier Toots. Back in the cave dwelling days, there were no worries about global warming or resource depletion – the sun came up, you sucked water out of whatever was nearby and you chopped down wood at will (if you had invented something to chop with – I’m not sure if the Tootie Clan of the Cave Dwellers got that far). Toots will spout that the economy is hampered by not chopping down every tree in sight. She’ll say she doesn’t believe in global warming in one breath and then in the next claim that TOO MANY TREES CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING! Let’s face it, logic took centuries to evolve and The Clan of the Toots evidently missed that step in evolution.

If anyone wants a real look at how much distrust there is for poor Toots, take a look at and see her pathetic bid to go to Congress. Her opponent (who creamed her in the Nov. 2013 general election), raised well over a million dollars and finished with money left over. The “Send a Cave Woman to DC” campaign raised a paltry $62,000 – and even worse, Toots ended up with a MINUS $206 balance.

Maybe Toots can explain to the assembled crew why she has spent years unsuccessfully trying to unload her Molalla B&B. It would seem a local “supporter” like Toots would want to keep her investment in “her” hometown (could it be she’s blown that investment as well? Or could it be that B&B doesn’t make a profit? I’d vote YES on both scores!).

So, it’s easy to know, without setting foot in a room with a Cave Woman and her Tea Party hillbilly supporters, what the outcome will be. The local yokels will beg for state and federal grants that aren’t coming, they’ll decry the land use laws, they’ll lobby for their cronies, they’ll believe anything but the truth: backwater Molalla blew it during the boom trying to buck the land use system and Tea Party Toots blew it by showing her true skunk stripes in the past two years. All it takes is one sad trip through Molalla, over the potholes and through the ugly, treeless neighborhoods to see that the world has zero to fear from Molalla or from Tea Party Toots.


A cogent sign of the times in Molalla (It is telling that it took months for the city to get around to painting over it):


This entry was posted in Clackamas County, Clackamas County Board of Commissioners, Molalla, molalla real estate, Quality of life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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