Molalla’s Greed Team for Economic (NON) Action offers “COUCHING”!

Wondering what’s up with “COUCHING” in Molalla? Me too!

I’ve waited a couple of weeks  to comment about TEAM but time’s up. I hate to let a cat out of the bag – ignorance in Molalla is always stunning and I was interested to see how long TEAM’s “couching” gaffe could last.

Molalla’s TEAM gouges what’s left of Molalla’s business owners and takes their shrinking and hard-fought money to pay a “director” who is supposed to enhance Molalla’s economic future. The past director and current director never lived anywhere near decayed Molalla. So, in essence, tens of thousands of dollars in salary are paid to a person who doesn’t put that salary back into what’s left of the local economy – that’s wrong!

But that’s par for the course because most of the Board members of TEAM don’t live in Molalla, either.  And worst of all, most of the Board have their greedy eyes on personal gain – like the push for a Forest Rd. truck bypass that would line the pocket of a couple of the  people on the so-called Board. They clearly are only out for themselves!

They should rename TEAM the “Public Risk, Private Profit Gang” and have done. It’s a disgrace: people who have polluted and people who don’t even own a business here anymore are pimping for their own private profits at the expense of struggling businesses and public agencies. Team is a strong-arm racket that should be ended.

Boxcanyonville Molalla, filled with blighted and empty storefronts and foreclosures through the roof, killed its future years ago by overbuilding ill-planned, cheap housing without balancing for quality of life. Molalla’s far from Metro location alone spells doom. A County official, at a meeting this week, noting Molalla’s abject insolvency, said “They sure have dug a hole for themselves down there”.

The clueless City Council keeps digging a bigger hole! It just gave up another $22,000 in MUCH NEEDED SDCs by waiving fees so Habitat for Humanity can build unneeded houses. So now, without balancing SDCs, Molalla will stuff in yet more people driving yet more cars over crap roads. More residents will need to be served without money for parks or other quality of life enhancements. The Council tried to tell itself that it wouldn’t affect the bottom line. Get real, every cent not taken in affects the bottom line! The Council  must have gone to the fantasy school of economic idiocy.

Here’s what a city that fails to collect and use SDCs looks like (this is one block off Main and Molalla Ave in the “heart” of downtown!):

Oops! Be sure your big rig 4-wheel drive is working if you venture into downtown Decayville Molalla. Don’t expect change anytime soon because insolvency isn’t kind to Molalla’s future!

What part about foregoing $22,000 being a LOSS of $22,000 don’t they get? They still haven’t reformed their bottom of the barrel SDC charges, either. Other cities in the County were smart enough to collect SDCs and to charge utility fees for transportation; those cities at least have a fighting chance to keep up with transportation needs.  Molalla has insolvency, period.

The newest Molalla “businesses” are a coffee shop run by a non-taxpaying, non-accountable cult- like church and a soon to be opened hole in the wall video poker/drinking establishment a la the much loathed Dotties formula. Just what Molalla doesn’t need: a non-accountable cult-like church stealing customers from legitimate businesses (businesses that HAVE to pay taxes and minimum wages) and not paying a cent into property or business taxes and yet another rip off way to addict people to drinking and gambling (Molalla is already loaded to the hilt with sleazy bars).

But what this post is really about is TEAM’s pathetic website, which I browse  once in a while to see what kind of propaganda baloney it tries to  spread. The TEAM website still has a slide show showing long gone businesses and events featuring people who no longer live or work here. For instance, Ricky D’s pizza failed and then another pizza joint failed in the same space – but TEAM is still showing the pathetic Ricky D’s sign. TEAM’s slide show is also “celebrating” a flute playing craft person who closed up shop over a year ago. And what an ugly start to the slide show: an ugly green industrial hopper. Wow! That hopper makes me want to run right down to invest!

Personally, I would post the dioxin contamination reports from Floragon/Avison brownfields. The real scandal is that no one in their right mind would take on the nightmare of trying to develop in Pollutionville, but Greed TEAM keeps pretending that Molalla, because it has a bunch of contaminated land, will be the next big industrial player.

Take a look at a map, folks, and note the distance on the two lane suicide run roads – 211 and 213 – “industry” would have to pay to truck products in and out of the brownfields to real business hubs, like the I-5 or I-205 corridors. Every mile traveled is money lost. These days as the Koch brothers mess with fuel prices industry can’t afford to gamble on long commutes back and forth to boxcanyons like Molalla. Workers can’t afford the commute, either. There are no jobs here to speak of and residents have the longest and nastiest commutes of any city in the County.

If you visit TEAM’s site, be sure to click on the map of available properties/businesses. That’s a hoot because that map is stuffed with oodles of markers – there is so much for sale or lease the markers are stacked up on top of each other. But the map doesn’t do justice to the grim reality of seeing the decayed downtown filled with “For Rent” and “For Sale” signs. I am especially fond of the hand-lettered, do it yourself “For Sale” signs that have been up for so long they are tattered and faded. That’s a nice touch of blight and desperation!

Looking for archaic buildings and blight? Molalla’s looking for you!

But, to get to the point of today’s post, most eye-catching on the TEAM site is a message from the new TEAM “business” guru – you know, the person making tens of thousands who doesn’t even live here. You know, the person who is supposed to save the day for Decayville and bring a robust future via literate communication with investors and businesses. You know, the person who is supposed to be educated and  business savvy.

Here, verbatim, is the posted message on the TEAM site  (I have been watching for over two weeks – I guess no one looks at this site):

“TEAM Now Offering Business Couching

Jenifer Kay Hood, Economic Development and Main street Manager for TEAM, is now offering couching to new and existing businesses within the Economic Improvement District (EID). If you own a business and need free advice, information, networking help or other assistance please call Jenifer at 503-829-5003. If you’re thinking of starting a business in the EID Jenifer can help you write a business plan, get financing, develop marketing strategies and other services designed with your success in mind.”

Hello world  to TEAM: what kind of “COUCHING” is “Jenifer” offering? I looked up “COUCHING” and decided it must be that TEAM Greed is turning Molalla into a Mecca for embroidery! I found some lovely examples of “COUCHING” online:

Couching certainly could be a savior to tanking Molalla! Let’s get out our needles and floss and ask “Jenifer” to teach us the “business of COUCHING”!

I worry that “COUCHING” by hand might steal business from a couple of local machine logo embroidery shops but what the hell. Let’s all COUCH for the sake of Molalla’s business future! “Jenifer” is going to be a swell “couch” for “couching” for Molalla’s success.

I want “Jenifer” to teach me to “couch” images of that racist clip art lurid orange Molalla “indian” mascot. I could try to sell that racist cartoon stereotype lucky charm Molallans are so fond of at the fraudulent Molalla “Farmer’s Market”.

That “Farmer’s Market” is another TEAM Molalla boondoggle scandal,  because TEAM begged for public money and got a grant by promising – in writing! – that the “Farmer’s Market” would feature AT LEAST 50% FARM PRODUCE! Guess what it has featured in the first two so-called “Farmer’s Markets”? ZERO produce!

Molalla is good at foisting off low-end “crafts” (couching anyone?) that would be rejected by a juried craft fair like the Portland Saturday Market. It sure seems TEAM’s best function is trying to get money by telling lies – like “farmers” would comprise AT LEAST 50% of the “Farmer’s Market”. I read the grant and “farmers” who endorsed the market don’t bother to participate. Must be that fraud  is par for the course here. What’s one more fib, right, if it means Molalla can waste more grant money?

Don’t waste you time at that fake “Market”. Who bothers to go out once a month searching for produce anyway? A once a month “Market” is a loser! And if you go, be ready to bake in the blazing western sun at MCC  Hot Rock Plaza. If anyone took the chance and brought a head of lettuce to sell, it would wilt on the spot!

Or, could it be that “Jenifer” is going to teach us this:

This is more like it. Most Molallans are apparently lying around doing “extreme couching” and trying to ignore the dire future. Stockton California just declared bankruptcy and was called the “Foreclosure Capital of America”. But guess what? Molalla BEAT out Stockton in foreclosure rates in May. Stockton posted one out of every 195 houses getting a notice. That’s bad, but Molalla was worse with one out of every 189 getting a notice.

“Jenifer” should get on the ball and start a name recognition campaign for Molalla; why is she letting Stockton claim an “honor” that should likely go to Molalla? ”

MOLALLA: FORECLOSURE CAPITAL OF AMERICA” can be the new mural! TEAM should start saving its pennies!

A couple of years ago, when Molalla was busy going bankrupt on “planning”, trying to foist off its now thoroughly rejected urban growth myth, a rural property next to dioxin contaminated Floragon brownfield went up for sale. The totally insane asking price for 12 acres and a 1920’s house was a million bucks in 2009. The real estate agent back then attempted to claim this land would be golden as development land. Then the bottom fell out and the place got rented.

A “For Sale” sign appeared this week. The new asking price is $379,900. Ha! I told the agent back in 2009 it couldn’t be worth more than that then. But now, the new agent is still telling tall tales about “Molalla’s going to grow” to try to sell this sad property as an investment. The frauds never end.

The Molalla growth kool-aide drugs must be pumped into the water of every greedy and unethical business agent in Molalla. But they’ve got “Jenifer” and the “Business Couching” on their side, so how can they fail?

Here’s the book “Jenifer” and the Molalla GREED TEAM should be writing. They’ve been “couching” Molalla to DEATH for years and now they can declare SUCCESS! They’ve picked the bones clean of every scrap of public money and now there is nothing but a skeleton city left.

I hope “Jenifer” and the Molalla GREED TEAM snag this book idea. After all, no one can claim more success at “couching” to the bottom of the barrel than TEAM. They dragged the land use fight to the bitter end, they endorsed nutty SDC waivers. The Hart Street million dollar waiver – ENDORSED BY TEAM-   may further kick Molalla in the financial ass if Molalla looses at the Land Use Board of Appeals hearing and ends up being forced to allow that stuff in more ill-planned crap development! That will make the Habitat waiver look like a drop in the bucket.

So, the abject lies and propaganda spin roll on: “Molalla is growing/will grow, Molalla is a great place to live, Molalla is the next Canby, industry is bullish on brownfields, Molalla can afford to waive SDCs, Molalla is a great place to invest, Molalla is having Town Halls, Molalla can fix its financial disaster…” I could go on but a picture is worth a thousand words:

Pretty soon Molalla’s GREED TEAM will all look like this!

Molalla TEAM GREED is way past the third lie – I can’t keep count anymore!

Molalla’s GREED TEAM has already bitten the business community to death – too bad they don’t have the courage to kill that snake before it eats them alive!

Telling lies and spewing propaganda will come back to bite every time. We have eyes and one drive through DECAYVILLE sends people fleeing.

TEAM should take its new “I live in another community” business couching “expert” off the playing field and let business forces fall where they may.

TEAM is nothing but a massive failure. TEAM’s influence peddling has been a big factor in creating the current financial disaster that is the City of Molalla.

I’d suggest, along with that “Business Couching” message, that TEAM for GREED Molalla post this on their door, before the angry masses hound them out-of-town:

TEAM GREED done and drained Molalla dry.

A good promo song for Greed TEAM Molalla would be  Warren Zevon’s “Play it All Night Long”:

“I’m going down to the Dew Drop Inn
See if I can drink enough
There ain’t much to country living
Sweat, piss, jizz and blood

“Sweet home Alabama”
Play that dead band’s song
Turn those speakers up full blast
Play it all night long…”

I bet “Jenifer” could morph “Alabama” into “Molalla” and play that song as an endless tape loop at the tacky NON Farmer’s Market!

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