Dear Eric Kyllo: Molalla is a FORECLOSURE GHOST TOWN!

From the Desk of Your City Manager, Mr. Tube Nose

Dear Eric Kyllo,

We all had some hilarious fun this week at City Hall dissecting your self-serving comments about the supposed entitlement of the Kyllo  family to receive special favors from the City of Molalla.

Wow! Thanks for the laughs! It gives me, a newcomer, some insight into why Molalla is such a failure. That kind of entitlement might have been true during the reign of Potter and Atkins, but maybe you missed it – the city is BROKE and there is a new Sheriff in town – me!

Hey Eric, correct me if I am wrong – but DON’T YOU LIVE IN CANBY?

As your new City Manager, I feel I must write to notify you that your family should drop the bullshit about being entitled to anything “special” because you have been here forever or because you believe you have “helped” the city. Those days of influence peddling have now officially ended. I have my work cut out to undo the horrible mess that was made because hundreds of thousands of public money has been wasted on futile “help” with your failed quest for a Kyllo Luxuryville  on PRIME EFU FARMLAND.

But DON’T YOU LIVE IN CANBY ERIC?

Us fruit bats really treasure croplands. I think you have missed the boat by not investing in organic crops for that important class two Sawtell silt loam property your family owns.

And, didn’t the so-called Kyllo  “help” for Molalla involve scaring the citizens into approving that hideous pipe that gushes poo poo water into the Molalla River? Hey, don’t you live in CANBY, Eric?  You CANBY residents drink the treated poo poo water your family “helped” send downstream. That’s kind of poetic justice, I’d say!

Eric, am I correct in understanding that YOU LIVE CANBY? Whoo whee! Why don’t you immediately bail and move on over to our fast fading city? I’ll personally fly around with you and show you the vast array of HIGHLY DISCOUNTED properties in the city limits. We’ll even find you a place with sidewalks and a decently paved street!

A “high ender” like you  wouldn’t want one of those nasty neighborhoods that pool water all winter because they don’t have storm drains – and I doubt if you want to look out and see a wall of old cars blocking your view of blighted neighborhoods full of urban decay?

Or, if you REALLY want to help Molalla grow, how’s about buying a crumbling old single wide on a “big lot”? You could lead the way towards “high-end” by blowing a wad of “high end” cash on a 5,000+ sq foot custom-built luxury home! I bet your buddy Randy “Renaissance Chapter 11  Homes” Sebastian would send a crew right over! But, I forgot, your entire family is entangled in the failed FIRE (finance, insurance, real estate) sector so they could handle this mega-mansion project from the ground up.

If you scroll backwards, this blog has a myriad of pictures of likely prospects for infill. Or go get that graphic photo essay of urban decay in the County files – you know, the one that shot the “need” for more land out of the ballpark.

(Shussh – I hear that really motivated and informed lady with the camera is at work on even more photos,  so you might want to wait for URBAN DECAY TWO coming soon to a County file near you! It sure is too bad that the City didn’t find a way to use all her knowledge and energy to work with you instead of against you. I hear that dummy Potter, who I just fired, and his control the message local Planning Commission, treated anyone with fresh – or should we say REALISTIC –  ideas like crap.)

It is now “turn about is fair play” since your  SELF-SERVING us first (choke!) “plans” hit the County. It isn’t so much fun now that the “plans” are out in a bigger – read EDUCATED – playing field, is it? How does it feel when you can no long control the message? Has the legend in their own minds Kyllo family failed to “do enough” for the County to influence peddle there?).

Get a goin’, why would you languish in Canby when you are totally bullish on Molalla? Hell, you could walk to work if you pick the right spot to build that Kyllo monument to excess! I read that the RICH are going to be on a buying spree and Molalla could sure use your big bucks – how much slum property are you willing to snap up?

Poll: Rich Will Drastically Increase Luxury Spending This Year

Now it is time to do Molalla a REAL service and admit that instead of growing, Molalla is ripe to join the below ongoing Huffington Post collection of GHOST TOWNS in America.

Get real, Eric. YOU DO live in Canby!

Anyway, the new Bats at City Hall  are going to do an honest hicksville  photo essay and submit it to the Huffington Post’s GHOST TOWN collection. Any propaganda is better than no propaganda, right? At least my management will work for honesty!

I got a kick out of your assertion that “Molalla will grow”, like growth these days in America is a given. It seems that might not be the case for a lot of towns in America anymore (shades of Keith Brown Lumber site – those boarded up windows certainly add a touch o’ class to the entry to “downtown”, along with the abandoned car repair/Ace hardware site. We in the Bat Roost are calling it Molalla’s “Downtrodden” instead of “Downtown”).

Did you know that from the first of the 20th Century till the Depression people were bullish on growth. Then, with the Great Depression property values crashed and didn’t start to recover till after World War 2!

PHOTOS: Haunting Images Of Detroit’s Decline

Its called “The shitty ECONOMY, the massive FORECLOSURES, and the high PRICE OF GAS”. It’s hard to believe that you, Eric “Mr. FIRE” Kyllo, missed that trend – read on and get educated. Did you know they are bulldozing houses in Detroit and Flint and planting gardens? Those cities are definitely not a growin’ more houses!

But hey, you might be too busy picking out your own Molalla slum property to bother! Replace decay, build that mansion and we’ll name the block Eric Street! How’s that for payback?

Much love, Tubby (got time to hoist a few? I hear the beer is warm here but what the hell, shopping for blight takes it out of you…)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/13/americas-foreclosure-ghost-towns_n_848715.html

America’s Foreclosure Ghost Towns — Photos

Since 2007, news of the foreclosure crisis has been nearly constant. Recently, the at-times bombarding reports of unscrupulous banks, unfair foreclosure proceedings and expected increases in foreclosures make it easy to forget what all this bad news actually means: real families are being forced to abandon their homes.

The housing crisis has been well documented by professional photographers in foreclosure hot spots like Detroit and Las Vegas. But is there evidence of it elsewhere? Two weeks ago the Huffington Post asked people across the country to send in photos of homes abandoned by foreclosure in their own neighborhoods.

Within minutes after posting, responses from across the country came pouring in. An empty swimming pool in Lancaster, CA, a factory with smashed in windows in Connecticut, even a sunken boat in Florida, all drove home the sad reality that the foreclosure crisis isn’t just something we read about online or see on TV: it’s happening to real people in real communities throughout the country.

Below are some of the most disturbing images of the foreclosure crisis from the very neighborhoods of Huffington Post readers:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/13/americas-foreclosure-ghost-towns_n_848715.html

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