LOL: COMEDY CENTRAL = MOLALLA CITY COUNCIL MEETINGS

I hadn’t had the “pleasure” of attending the Comedy Central City Council meetings recently. But knowing that people were prepared to speak about BULLY BOY POTTER and the picnic ejection fiasco I decided to attend to lend moral support.

What a treasure we have here folks! I think Molalla is totally missing the economic boat by not trolling for a reality show post-haste. The millions we are losing by not featuring the hilarious “workings” of city “government” on national reality tv is heartbreaking.

The cast is so rich! Bully Boy! The Mayor, King Clarke, an ex-teacher who can barely read out loud! The red-faced “manager” Atkins who couldn’t produce a sincere apology if he ran over someone’s kid. The King Clarke whipped, glum, silent Council – except for Needham who is there largely to be odd man out: he actually speaks! he asks questions! and he lives to poke and stab at Bully Boy!!! Go Needham, run for Mayor, it is not too late.

Let’s see, last night we had on the agenda:

The angry pro-playing field citizen jumping on Bully Boy because the “in kind” sleazy deal for the StonePlace contractor to repair Skeets Field hasn’t ever been executed. It is over a year since Bully Boy/Atkins allowed the contractor to wiggle out of putting $120,000 of REAL MONEY into the Parks Fund and, instead, supposedly move some dirt around to “fix” Skeets Field.

If you ever wonder why there is NO MONEY in the SDC funds (there wouldn’t have been much, the city was always at the bottom of the SDC barrel) then just use this model where Bully Boy and “manager” don’t even follow thorough on their own cut-rate “deals” with developers. “In kind” as usual becomes a “do nothing, look the other way” rip-off.

Bully Boy claimed he is “trying” to get it done! A bulldozer, some dirt, a year in the works, how hard IS IT? Don’t hold your breath – and rest assured that whatever gets “done” will NEVER APPROACH the $120,000 CASH the project SHOULD have provided in real money for the parks.

Then, we had the angry mother and daughter citizen picnickers calling Bully Boy a BULLY  and pointing out that one arm of the city doesn’t know what the other is saying (is that called incompetence or ignorance or plain ole deception – could city “employees” be called LIARS?). The city can’t tell a story the same way twice, there is a long trail of multiple emails from multiple “officials” telling multiple versions about city “rules”.

It doesn’t matter what the “rules” are folks: the angry visitors who “met” Bully Boy and who got nutty conflicting emails from Atkins and “officials” that all tell different stories won’t be a commin’ back here anytime soon – eat your greedy hearts out, TEAM and Chamber!

Then, your dear old blogger gave a blast about “tax burden shifting” (text of speech follows post) that I am certain was way above the heads of the LOL “leaders”. But no worry,  at Council Comedy Central they always have a video running. I know at least a few city viewers watch the replays – they might be smart enough to understand that until the BURDEN SHIFTING  due to urban renewal and lack of SDCs stops it’s a NO! on all bond measures do or die campaign from me!

Then, we heard angry Needham grill Bully Boy about the status of the Hart Street SDC waiver give away that “manager” Atkins blabbed prematurely in the Oregonian as a done deal. HA! HA! HA! on that one! The Hart “developer” is obviously massively entangled in the reality of ODOT’s strict and expensive to satisfy  rules – that’s a no brainer since I often check in with agencies for the straight skinny on what REAL PLANNERS say about Molalla’s fake out “we’re growing” propaganda.

But the funniest addition to the going nowhere fast Hart development story was when Bully Boy’s expensive bottom feeding lawyer side-kick (get it,  tax payers? Bully Boy can’t wipe his ass correctly without lawyer Chris Crean and Atkins checking to see if he is doing it right – and someone needs to check Crean and Atkins to see if THEY do it right because NOTHING GETS DONE CORRECTLY) mumbled out of the side of his mouth that the delays might be because “developers are having hard times getting loans”.

MIGHT BE HAVING TROUBLE GETTING LOANS? That’s news? I guess the banks “MIGHT” have glanced at the state of Molalla’s commercial/apt. vacancy rates and said “NO WAY” to funding any more strip mall crap in shrinking Buckeroo-ville? Have you seen Desolation Row Safeway Plaza? Have you seen StonePlace begging for Section 8 renters?

I particularly enjoy the ole downtown with the windows of junky empty buildings filled with some Grannie trash “displays” begging people to “relocate” to Deadwood. Like a few badly done piles of cast off garbage arranged – they hope – to look “pretty” fool anyone? Do you think today’s lenders are BLIND to the economic “conditions” here?

I hear that after I left (at a certain point, you start to get the “ignorance at work” trend, those seats get awfully hard and looking at the “leaders” turns from funny to painful) a dog and pony “land use” issue ensued that ended with an angry builder calling Bully Boy – hold your breath – a LIAR!

“LIAR”! Not again! It was the beat up on Bully Boy Show. It’s starting to look like the tv reality  show might have to feature Bully Boy! The great peanut gallery of local citizens, who are either greedy TEAM players or outraged residents, are going to have to be walk-ons.

Forget about exploiting the River Corridor, forget about King Clark/Michelle Mill’s bankrupt “building houses for a bigger tax base” idea – the city can become famous just for its NEPOTISM, ignorance and decay! I was right – BULLY BOY RULES!

I’m calling FOX right now – they would be the perfect ultra-right network to feature our Backwoods Twilight Zone reality show. The Depression is a great added hook.

The ads for “our” show can shout: “How LOW can they GO?  How FAR can they FALL?” Bully Boy can be pictured grinning as he looms with a billy club over some grey haired ole church ladies holding their annual knitting contest in Clark Park without a PERMIT!

Anyone got a producer’s number handy? See you on tv!  If the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills can get a big bucks national deal, why can’t our “you won’t believe your eyes or ears” Hillbilly Hills get equal time?

Text of Speech to City Council, 7-28-2010:

Tonight, I’m addressing the ongoing problem of Molalla’s tax burden shifting scams. I’ve learned a lot lately about how things like lack of SDCs, urban renewal and incompetent public employees shift tax burdens.

If someone wished to write a text-book on the abuses of tax burden shifting, Molalla’s bad practices would be a classic example.

Years of failure to charge realistic SDCs have resulted in your blatant inability to fund quality of life features, especially needed parks, sidewalks and roads.

You shifted the planning burden onto state tax payers when you wasted planning grants producing endless indefensible nonsense using an uneducated lay person. You continue to place a burden on agencies who must deal with your unprofessional, inept planning.

You want to shift the burden of paying for public city road repairs to the residents of Sunrise Acres.

A public tax funded grant wrote the THIRTY MILLION DOLLAR PLUS PARK PLAN you’ll never be able to fund. Given that this 2007 parks plan was meant to be implemented over 20 years, now, three years later, you are over THREE MILLION DOLLARS BEHIND  in funding. The consultants begged you in 2007 to immediately start charging realistic SDC and you ignored their expensive advice.

You plan to shift the burden of funding parks for the NW part of town onto Big Meadow residents. No other neighborhoods in town are stuck paying for their own parks – will you try to make other neighborhoods pay for public parks?

Your so-called planner is hoping a new school bond will fund playing fields that the city can’t afford to build. That’s blatant burden shifting and a great reason to vote no on any school bonds.

The school and fire districts, which are funded by tax payers on both sides of the city limits, suffer from reduced funds due to the tax burden shifting of your ill-considered urban renewal program. Only a few people had a chance to protest that rush job proposal. Now your urban renewal burden shifting will be a battle cry if either the schools or the fire district come to voters for bonds.

I won’t stand for having further city funding burdens shifted to me, a Clackamas County rural resident.  All voters need to understand the scam burden shifting games Molalla plays.

I’m sick of glib statements like Potter’s that planning monies were “just a grant”. All grants come from hard-working state taxpayers who are now largely broke.

I’m sick of glib statements from “manager” Atkins that the state will “make up” for revenues lost to schools due to Molalla’s urban renewal. There is nothing left in the County or State to “make up” for Molalla’s short sighted and disrespectful tax burden shifting policies. We are all broke.

The buck for bad quality of life in Molalla and failure to plan for a stable financial future rests at the feet of all of you who continue to protect incompetent and unprofessional city workers, who allow corrupt urban renewal to steal from schools and fire services, and who fail to collect realistic System Development Charges.

Public grants and bailouts will be increasingly hard to come by. I’ll urge every voter to roundly contest and reject any money measures that involve a scrap of burden shifting.

My heart goes out to the abused tax paying residents of Molalla who are likely to be stuck paying through the nose for decades to come for your failure to plan for basic quality of life funding.

PS – I did say “congratulations”! to new City Councilor Jimmy Thompson. And most of all, Jimmy: good luck, because you’ll need it.

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