Buckeroo-ville: The land of ONE TRICK PONIES!

Watch out as you drive the roads of Molalla! Hideous herds of ONE TRICK PONIES (OTP) roam free and are likely to clog progress. The roaming bands have names like “Good ole boy speculators”  “Soccer Moms”, “TEAM” and “City government”.  When they herd up the results are exceedingly wasteful.  They hate public debate. You never know when the OTP will jump out in your path so beware!

I first became aware of the OTP in the planning/pipeline fiascos. I was blindsided by the OTP “Good ole boys” and amazed how they thought they were strong enough to trample over state land use goals and citizen participation. And WOW – look out when the OTP of what some are fond of calling “City government”  mate with the “Good ole boy” herd. Then you get abject waste of public monies, lies, lack of accountability and the GHOST TOWN called Molalla.

It seems, given the sinking home values and empty storefronts here, that the “outside” world has figured out that OTP towns AREN’T the place to settle. I guess the REAL WORLD is smarter than to risk  running into a charging OTP herd in Buckeroo-ville.

Now, a new OTP band of bucking broncos has appeared on the scene: the “Soccer Moms” believe that a handful of control the message “we want” folks can roll over financial facts and demographics. I’m watching closely so our community doesn’t get stampeded into building new infrastructure for the shrinking school system that we can’t afford and likely won’t need.

Molalla has to learn the lesson from the brand new empty jail in Metro that people voted to build but the County couldn’t afford to operate. The Portland School District has been successful closing and combining schools and creating K-8 facilities in existing structures. School consolidation and teaching innovation are the only path in a DEPRESSION predicted to last a least a decade in Oregon.

Building 20th century monuments to archaic learning models won’t move the District forward; it would only reduce the money available for real instruction. Isn’t it sad that the OTP Soccer Moms don’t see that instructional programs are far more important than brick and mortar trappings?  It seems these OTP are born hard-wired to have blinders and that they have a genetic inability to ever see the BIG PICTURE.

Here’s a head scratcher: Should we spend LIMITED DEPRESSION ERA public funds for the best education possible with teachers and educational innovation – or blow it on a new building? It seems OTP “Soccer Moms” would rather their kiddies sit in Taj splendor without teachers – maybe kiddie Soccer Ponies don’t expect to have to do anything when they grow up except gaze at shiny buildings? I can see it now: the OTP baby ponies mucking up yet another public funded building as OTP Kostur fondles the money he saves by NOT maintaining public infrastructure!

I’ve got an idea for selective breeding. Let’s round-up the richest, meanest, most self-serving of the “Good old boy” herd of greedy speculators (maybe the one named “Dennis” who got skunked on building “Luxuryville far from the City limits) and breed that pony to the meanest, most short-sighted, self-serving, censor-ship loving “Soccer Mom” (maybe we can cull the OTP named “Jennifer” who is so intent on censoring she can’t allow a single opinion outside her narrow ME FIRST vision!).

If we get lucky, we might produce some very rich, very self-serving, very MEAN OTP who could run single issues right into the ground a lot faster than usual. Then, they could all interbreed and run in ever smaller dusty circles till they quickly collapse, leaving these hills and dales safe for people who are willing to work on honest, systemic change for the good of all.

After all, the “Good ole boy” herd has already essentially failed because of an inbred loss of vigor. The only thing left for them to look forward to is the official “REJECTION” stamp from the County on the totally nutty 2,400 acre urban reserves. Those OTP “Good ole boys” must already be crying in their bourbon and moaning about the mansions that are never to be.

And, after all, there is ZERO hope for TEAM – if the TEAM OTP couldn’t herd business into town during the boom what on earth do they think they are charging toward in the BUST? Oh! I forgot! I hear they are currently stampeding on into town with their drooling snouts out for Urban Renewal handouts.

I never knew before that ponies could eat steak but when you live near the City of Molalla you are often blindsided by the most insane and abusive surprises known to woman – basically, I’d define it as genetic anomalies, like you see in a carnival freak show. I’m guessing those MONEY lovin’ TEAM ponies might have bred secretly with the steak/bourbon boys in the famous “Good ole boy speculator” band (which has already committed well documented, disgusting  incest with the “City leader OTP”).

As the grizzled OTP “Good ole boys” raped the city for decades, the sad, downtrodden, abused citizens looked the other way as their quality of life was trashed.  The saving grace is that  invisible razor wire called State and County land use goals keeps these bands inside the crumbling, polluted City limits. Whew! The One Trick Ponies won’t be ruining any more lives or land outside the UGB!

Let’s see if we can get a BLM round-up to rein in the local ONE TRICK PONY herds. I’ll bet National Geographic would do a feature story. Photo opportunities! Tourism! Molalla could get on the map! Call the Oregonian so OTP Atkins can tell yet another tall tale in public!

Then, without noxious ONE TRICK PONIES clogging up the works, maybe the rest of us could start working to create a healthy, diverse band of grown-up humans capable of accepting limits, following state rules, and using available resources in sustainable ways.

Round-up here we come. I’ll help build the corrals! Dream on to a day when REALITY rules!

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